When people show you who they are...

I would say 95% of the time when things go bad in a relationship, the female knew it was coming.  We have this tendency to ignore red lights and flashing signs when we meet somebody we think we wanna be with.  You know, those things that tell us "Un un girl he aint the one, RUN!!"  We make excuses for things that really speak for themselves...

Truths and Randoms

"Truth indeed rather alleviates than hurts, and will always bear up against falsehood, as oil does above water..."

It's definitely a boy.  Don't ask me how I know, and as much as I want another girl, I'm convinced this is a boy.  And as the acne takes me back to my teenage years, my belts are a thing of the past and I can no longer see the striations in my abs that I worked so hard for, I find myself smiling at the thought of things to come.  Oh and there's something about this 'glow' that attracts guys that I'll never understand but I will still enjoy every moment.

One of my oldest best friends got married this past weekend in which I was one of her bridesmaids.  They always say weddings do something to people, because even though I did my best to avoid catching the bouquet at the end, I still found myself the recipient of a very sweet proposal from a long time friend. My friends and family think I'm crazy for not accepting, but I do my best to avoid rebound relationships so I gotta sit this one out (for now?).  Did wonders for my spirit though :-)

Now for my not-so-random thought for the day...at what age do people stop blaming others and begin to take responsibility for the things that happen to them?  If you tell a series of lies to multiple people, no matter how 'good' your intentions were when you uttered them, once they become exposed at what point do you blame yourself for telling them, instead of the person that revealed them?  If you find yourself in a relationship or situation with someone who's 'crazy', at what point do you ask yourself if maybe you did anything to make them flip, or maybe even blame yourself for missing obvious signs in the first place?

The more I move around and deal with different people it's so clear to me that maturity is definitely more about state of mind than a date on the calendar, and some 20 year olds have more sense and accountability in their lives than some 40 year olds.  At some point we all have to study the reflection in the glass and evaluate what it is WE did to contribute to the current state of our lives and stop blaming others. Maybe then we won't find ourselves in so many situations that make our lives miserable.  Myself included.

Anywho...just another of my not so randoms...

Nite....

Karma aint the bitch...

I'd say fate is...

So Saturday my boyfriend and I had a huge falling out.  I went looking to find out some things that it was obvious that he'd been hiding, and found out a little more than I bargained for.  I ended up emailing his baby's mom and telling her about us, in an attempt to find out when/if they'd in fact broken up.

When you go looking...

Shouldn't be anything to find!

Changes!

Didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd written anything.  Looking back at old posts I see that some things have changed.  But hey the more they change...well...

So I got rid of X...big surprise.  Just couldn't take the drama and the theatrics.  I need to be in a relationship where I can be the female, no role reversals here. 

Celebrated my 30th in Las Vegas over Labor Day weekend.  Can't believe I am now in a new decade but hey, the tears have dried and I'm now trying to see what I can do to make my 30's as memorable as my 20's were.  I figured in Vegas I would just lose my mind doing all kinds of crazy shit, but the craziest I got was being drunk off my ass one night and having to be escorted to my room. (Side note I'm SO done with Belvedere.)

Lets see what else has happened.  OH...met up with Blue while I was in Vegas.  No real sparks to report there but I did find that I do still enjoy his company.  Verdict is still out on whether I can press rewind on that relationship but I'm giving it serious thought.  Is it possible for someone who cheated so callously in the past to now be faithful and worthy of a second chance?  Question of the century.  I was kinda hoping to run into his old side chic who was supposed to have been there the same weekend, but no such luck.

Anywho thats it for today as far as updates go bc thats all I feel like typing. Don't know if or when I'll ever go back to Twitter so all my Twitter fam hit me up.

Deuces!

Never a Right Time...

...to say good bye...

So obviously the break didn't work.  2 days into it he ended up calling me and telling me how miserable he was, that not having me to talk to or 'completely' in his life was too hard.  So I said fine, forget the break.  But didnt take a day for us to be back at it again.  Or maybe I should say for him to be on my nerves again and we were arguing.

Maybe the problem is me.  I feel it in my heart that I need to let it go, heard the words come out of my mouth, that we need to let it go, but still can't silence the voice that asks "Are you sure?"

Time To Regroup

So finally something had to give.  In all our talks it finally took my mom to get him to realize that sometimes when you try your hardest to hold tightly on to something you cause the very thing to happen that you were trying to prevent.

 I went home for a week Memorial Day and I won't say we argued the whole time but it was definitely tense.  I stayed with him this time instead of with my mom like I usually do, and just tried to make time to see everybody more than once while I was there.  First major argument came after a trip to the mall when he took me shopping.

I really think...

He is crazy...

That is all for now...

It Aint No Fun...

"...If the homies can't have none..."

So picture a guy in a situation with a girl where they are basically just messing around, not really anything serious.  After a period of time, knowing that the girl is really feeling him, the guy is able to convince the girl into sleeping with his cousin AND one of his boys.  Not at the same time (like a train), but on different occasions she sleeps with both of them.

Ok, at this point you may just be thinking wow, that's some #hoshit (or maybe those are just my thoughts).

I May See Why People Cheat...

And it's crazy for me to admit that as a woman.  But I think I see it.  When I was making my list of things I wanted God to give me, I thought I was pretty specific but now I see I left a few things out.  This dude has a lot going for him but I just cannot get with arguing over every little thing.  When he's upset its like dealing with a child, he sulks and drags things out for days, until he either gets his way or gives up.

Paradox

"He was a really great boyfriend except for the fact that he cheated..." 

Makes perfect sense to me, but I guess I can see how one could cancel out the other.  New relationship, we'll call him X, who feels like he can't escape the ghosts of my relationships past.  Namely one ex-boyfriend who I've mentioned here before, we'll call him Blue.  I feel like Blue and I had a really good relationship in terms of conversation, future goals, getting along, and great sex, all except for the fact that when he left to go overseas he started a whole new relationship with someone else that I found out about 5 or 6 months later.  X feels like since he hasn't cheated there should be no comparison to an ex who claimed I was the love of his life but ultimately showed he didn't give a shit about my feelings.  And maybe he's right.  But what good is a past relationship if you don't take some lessons away from it?

Resurrection

Had a cool Sunday; beautiful weather, laid around for most of it then had Sunday dinner at a relative's house (who put her FEET in some candied yams, greens, bbq chicken and cornbread by the way), watched a funny episode of Cleveland show, then came home to relax. Yea, pretty chill Sunday.

So I log on Twitter and I'm reading one of my favorite blogger's timelines trying to see if I missed anything. She's asked her followers to send in a pic of what they were doing at that moment for her to RT, so what the hell, I start clicking on some. The FIRST pic I click on...*sigh*...

You ever go through something pretty emotional, and as time goes by you think you've pretty much put it behind you until you run into someone associated with that situation?

*sigh*

This picture I'm looking at is of this.....GIRL...that my ex cheated on me with. You know, the one I said I thought I would be married to this year?

Yea.

That one.

The Steve Harvey Experience

So I came home today ranting and raving on Twitter about yet another person who's proving to be a disappointment, when somebody suggested I go buy the book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Since this is about the 5 or 6th person who suggested the same thing, about 15 minutes later I was in my car on my way to Border's bookstore to pick up a copy. My plan is no dating whatsoever until I've finished the book at a minimum, and during this time I will reevaluate what I 'think' I know about men and dating vs. how Steve says men really think.

This should be interesting.

Games we play

So I got an 'interesting' text today from a somewhat 'old' flame. I say somewhat old because we only stopped talking a few months ago. At first he was the guy that I wasn't really paying attention too, but then after awhile I figured he seemed to have his sh*t together so I decided to give him a chance. Everything was going really good for awhile, until one day I made a 'joke' about him not becoming my f*ck buddy, to which he responded that we should talk about where we wanted things to go. Long story short, the outcome was he said he didnt want to jump into a relationship so soon, so we agreed we'd just date, get to know each other, no sex involved. Cool beans. 

Revelations

You ever think you mean something to someone and find out later you really didnt mean anything? Wow how that can hurt.

I had a 'fling' for a short time with a coworker (first mistake right), that lasted only a few months. During that time we agreed that if someone else entered the picture for either of us we would be honest about it....after all it wasnt a 'relationship' we had, just more of a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. (This was my second mistake.) Unlike many women who have convinced themselves that they can have sex without feelings, I realize thats not really possible for me. After a period of time dealing with the same person I think its natural that feelings will develop at some point, which is what happened. Anywho, during this period of us 'dealing' we also agreed that neither of us would mess with anyone else we worked with, which was more on him since our office includes quite a few females. We had a couple run-ins with each other about other people, one of which included him 'confessing' to me (while we were in the midst of u-know-what) about another female he was seeing. Why I didnt run for the hills then I can't tell you, but I havent always made the best choices (obviously) concerning the men I date and this one was no exception.

Anyways today I hear through the office grapevine that not only is he supposedly sleeping with one other coworker, someone who I'd previously asked him about but he claimed she wasnt his 'type' and he wasnt interested in her, but that he's also been sending flirtatious messages/texts to another coworker trying to hook up with her too. Obviously at this point he and I are no longer 'dealing' with each other, but even though we're not like that anymore, I still wouldnt mess with anyone else in the office just out of the respect I HAD for him (and myself of course). Not only that but now I am really seeing how big of a hoe he is and am regretting the fact that I ever gave him the time of day. I mean if you want to sleep around do your thing, but don't have me as a spot on your 'list' of conquests. Ugh.

A lot of times women will see warning signs about the men we're dealing with that lets us know he's not worth our time, but for some reason we press on. Something about that 'treat others the way you want to be treated' makes us think that if we are a certain way to someone that we care about that they will show us the same respect. Then when the situation doesnt turn out like we hoped it would (but instead like we KNEW it would), we are left to deal with the feelings of hurt, regret, disappointment, etc. So frustrating to me because I still have to deal with all of these people on a daily basis all the while still practicing the 'never let them see you sweat' mentality.

*sigh*

If I ever get involved in another office romance again somebody shoot me.

~Me