Never a Right Time...

...to say good bye...

So obviously the break didn't work.  2 days into it he ended up calling me and telling me how miserable he was, that not having me to talk to or 'completely' in his life was too hard.  So I said fine, forget the break.  But didnt take a day for us to be back at it again.  Or maybe I should say for him to be on my nerves again and we were arguing.

Maybe the problem is me.  I feel it in my heart that I need to let it go, heard the words come out of my mouth, that we need to let it go, but still can't silence the voice that asks "Are you sure?"


I'm not happy, and in my not being happy I cant give him the love that he repeatedly asks for, which in turn makes him unhappy.  A good guy, really good heart, very giving...I just don't enjoy being around him. Plain and simple.  In the beginning it was all good.  Anything I so much as mention I might want he sends it to me,  always sending me flowers or emails/texts saying how he thanks God for me, he sends my daughter things, calls my daughter every night to tell her goodnight and that he loves her, my daughter is crazy about him...what else could a girl ask for right?  Doesn't make sense to me either...I just think we moved too fast too soon.  We went from introductions to damn near engaged in 6 months and it's too much for me.  I feel like we switched roles....I just want to go day by day and enjoy the relationship, but he wants to evaluate and analyze everything that goes on. I don't feel like having those conversations every day it just wears on my nerves.
I feel he's defensive at everything I say, he feels the same about me.
He does something then turns around and gets mad at me for the exact same thing.
I feel I'm laid back and he's too intense, but...

...maybe we are just too much alike in the ways that matter most and its not working.

So as I said the words to him today and wonder if I'm crazy, if I will ever find anybody that was willing and ready to give 100% like he was....all I can hear is Usher saying 'Let it Burn' and Chris saying "there's never a right time to say goodbye."

My dad says its not about finding what's better, its finding what's right...its not about whats good, but whats good for you.  So I guess that translates to even those he's a good guy, maybe he's not the guy for me.

Breaking up sucks, even when you know its the right thing to do.