Revelations

You ever think you mean something to someone and find out later you really didnt mean anything? Wow how that can hurt.

I had a 'fling' for a short time with a coworker (first mistake right), that lasted only a few months. During that time we agreed that if someone else entered the picture for either of us we would be honest about it....after all it wasnt a 'relationship' we had, just more of a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. (This was my second mistake.) Unlike many women who have convinced themselves that they can have sex without feelings, I realize thats not really possible for me. After a period of time dealing with the same person I think its natural that feelings will develop at some point, which is what happened. Anywho, during this period of us 'dealing' we also agreed that neither of us would mess with anyone else we worked with, which was more on him since our office includes quite a few females. We had a couple run-ins with each other about other people, one of which included him 'confessing' to me (while we were in the midst of u-know-what) about another female he was seeing. Why I didnt run for the hills then I can't tell you, but I havent always made the best choices (obviously) concerning the men I date and this one was no exception.

Anyways today I hear through the office grapevine that not only is he supposedly sleeping with one other coworker, someone who I'd previously asked him about but he claimed she wasnt his 'type' and he wasnt interested in her, but that he's also been sending flirtatious messages/texts to another coworker trying to hook up with her too. Obviously at this point he and I are no longer 'dealing' with each other, but even though we're not like that anymore, I still wouldnt mess with anyone else in the office just out of the respect I HAD for him (and myself of course). Not only that but now I am really seeing how big of a hoe he is and am regretting the fact that I ever gave him the time of day. I mean if you want to sleep around do your thing, but don't have me as a spot on your 'list' of conquests. Ugh.

A lot of times women will see warning signs about the men we're dealing with that lets us know he's not worth our time, but for some reason we press on. Something about that 'treat others the way you want to be treated' makes us think that if we are a certain way to someone that we care about that they will show us the same respect. Then when the situation doesnt turn out like we hoped it would (but instead like we KNEW it would), we are left to deal with the feelings of hurt, regret, disappointment, etc. So frustrating to me because I still have to deal with all of these people on a daily basis all the while still practicing the 'never let them see you sweat' mentality.

*sigh*

If I ever get involved in another office romance again somebody shoot me.

~Me