Karma aint the bitch...

I'd say fate is...

So Saturday my boyfriend and I had a huge falling out.  I went looking to find out some things that it was obvious that he'd been hiding, and found out a little more than I bargained for.  I ended up emailing his baby's mom and telling her about us, in an attempt to find out when/if they'd in fact broken up.

That was pretty much a dead end street, because the answers she gave let me know not to give weight to too much that she said.  The next day I wasn't feeling well at all, didn't eat so much as a slice of toast and really had no desire too.  I chalked it all up to stress until dinner time came and then promptly came back up.  A pregnancy test at 5am the next morning showed me just how cruel fate could be.  

Here it is Thursday afternoon and I still have not heard from him.  I don't think they have invented the word to accurately describe how I feel, because hurt is ridiculously inadequate right now.  They say people will tell you anything to get what they want, and you find out how they truly feel when shit gets hot.  Is this the same man who was so in love just a week ago and quoting Charlie Wilson's "You Are" lyrics to me?  Or sending random texts and emails telling me how he couldn't imagine life without me?  I can't seem to mirror up the two.  Seems like at this point we have real shit to talk about, more important than the lies he just got caught in (or how pissed he is that I emailed the BM...).

I've considered not keeping it, but I really don't know how I would live with myself if I did that. I honestly do love him and I already love this baby, but I'm so beyond confused right now.  The thought of being a single mom with two kids and no support from the other parent...*sigh* 

Just when I think I'm all cried out and dehydrated with nothing left, a fresh well of tears finds its way in. 

This too shall pass right?